首发：~6
a sense of impending doom hung over the hua household they had managed to ignore the events of the afternoon for the rest of the day, but now, as they gathered around the dinner table, the tension was thick
mulan played with her food she had no appetite how could she when there was a rock in the middle of her stomach from the thought of her father fighting the northern invaders beside her, xiu took a half-hearted bite and then put down her food she wasn’t hungry, either
across the way, mulan’s mother hadn’t even bothered to take a plate she sat with her eyes locked on zhou unaware, or choosing to ignore the looks from his wife and daughters, zhou ate with gusto
“you’re a war hero,” li said, her words soft as she broke the silence “you’ve already made many great sacrifices—”
zhou didn’t let her finish he knew what she was going to say “are you suggesting our family not ply with the imperial edict”
the words were out of mulan’s mouth before she could stop them “but how can you fight when you can barely—”
zhou’s fist slammed onto the table, stopping mulan midsentence fury filled his face his wife and daughters looked at him aghast he had always been a man who prided himself on restraint and keeping his calm this outburst was unlike him—and it was frightening
“i am the father!” he said, his voice booming through the small room “it is my place to bring honor to our family on the battlefield you are the daughter” he paused, his eyes boring into mulan “learn your place!” pushing himself to his feet, zhou limped from the room
at the table, mulan sat still, her head hung low her father’s words stung not just because of their tone, but because of the meaning behind them her father had always been her biggest supporter he had always encouraged her to be who she was; even when she was trying to hide her impetuous nature, she had still felt his love and encouragement she had always believed her father knew that she wanted more, could be more
but she had been wrong
and worse still, his stubborn pride was going to put him in mortal danger
as if reading her thoughts, li stood up and walked over to her daughter’s side of the table she grabbed mulan’s hand and then xiu’s “we must be strong,” she said she paused and then her eyes welled and her hands shook even she could not follow her own orders “this time he will not return,” she said, letting the tears fall her shoulders slumped and she sank to the ground, overe by emotion “how will we survive without him”
mulan looked at her distraught mother and then at her sister both were now openly weeping her mother was right if her father went to fight, he would die if her father died, he would leave them with nothing and as mulan had just destroyed her one chance at a match, there was no hope for a future husband to help their family if zhou were gone
the truth was clear if zhou went to war, none of them would survive it
the house had grown quiet the sounds of her mother’s sobs had faded, and her sister, tears drying on her cheeks, had fallen into a restless sleep as mulan tiptoed across the living area toward the large cabi that stood in the corner the ornate piece was one of the only items of worth in their home when she was a girl, mulan had been forbidden to go near it, and even as a young woman she’d kept her distance
until tonight
mulan took a deep breath the idea that had e to her as she lay in bed had started as just a flicker of a thought, as she heard her father’s words echo around her head learn your place, he had said her place, she knew, was clear—to her father, at least her place was in the home, taking care of a husband she most likely would never have but what if her place were different what if she had been born a boy it would have been her place to go fight the invaders and that was when the idea blossomed why couldn’t she fight who was stopping her all she needed was a suit of armor, a weapon, and a horse well, she had the horse, so that left the weapon and armor
which was how she had ended up here, now, standing in front of the family’s cabi
slowly she opened the cabi doors they squeaked slightly and mulan froze when no candle was lit and no noise came from the family’s rooms, mulan let out her breath then she opened the doors the rest of the way
inside was her father’s suit of armor and sword the very same suit and sword he had worn into battle years ago they looked brand-new her father lovingly cleaned both at least once a week mulan’s eyes lingered on the sword in the light from the lantern at her feet, the metal seemed to burn with an internal fire
mulan pulled the sword free from its display her hands dropped under the surprising weight and she shifted to keep her balance she stayed still for a moment, getting used to the heft and feel of the metal in her hands her father had, on the rare occasion his leg wasn’t bothering him, taken the sword out and practiced in the yard he had made the movements seem so fluid that mulan had always assumed the sword was light as a feather but in her hand, it was heavy and awkward as she tried to lift it straight in front of her, her eyes flickered over three words etched into the blade itself squinting, she read: loyal brave true
as the moon moved from behind a cloud, the room filled with white light in that moment, mulan caught her own reflection in the steel of the blade as she turned the sword this way and that, her features changed her cheeks grew sharper, her eyes wider, her lips thinner she looked like a different version of herself
what was a hint of an idea began to grow why couldn’t she be herself—and someone else—at the same time why couldn’t she take her father’s place she had everything she needed right there in front of her she could be a soldier she lowered her arms and stretched the sword out in front of her, her eyes as steely and strong as the weapon itself
mulan was no longer going to let others decide her future she had tried to keep her promise to bring honor to her family by parading in front of the matchmaker she had, for years, practiced her weaving she had learned to be silent and rein in her wildest impulses she had practiced pouring tea and made countless dinners yet no matter how hard she tried, she had always seemed to fall short so now she would bring honor to her family in another way
she would bee a warrior
holding the hilt of the sword in one hand and awkwardly carrying the armor under her other arm, mulan made her way back across the living room passing by her parents’ slightly open bedroom door, she could see her father’s face, stubborn even in sleep beside him, li slept fitfully, worry creasing her forehead mulan wished she could wake them and tell them goodbye she wished she could tell them how much she loved them and how much she wanted to make them proud and keep them safe but instead, she made her way upstairs
throwing a few things in a small satchel, she hesitated in the doorway in her sleep, xiu let out a small whimper a fierce wave of love rushed through mulan she knew that the moment she stepped out of their house, she would risk never ing back even if she was to survive the army, which she very well might not, her reputation was unlikely to survive what she was about to attempt: pretending to be a man to fight a war she had no place in she knew the odds were against her, but she also knew she couldn’t let her father go in her stead
he had been right she had to learn her place but that place wasn’t here
the sound of thunder woke zhou stirring under the covers, he turned his head and looked through the window at the ominous gray sky something fluttered in his belly, and his leg, which ached on a good day, pounded with the impending weather something was wrong he knew it
pushing off the sheets, he lowered his feet to the floor and tiptoed out of the room a boom of thunder echoed through the house, and zhou froze as li stirred in bed when she settled, he began to tiptoe once more
as he entered the living room, the feeling in his stomach worsened across the way, he saw the cabi with its doors slightly ajar his fear growing, he walked over to the cabi and swung open the doors
it was empty
zhou gasped “my sword and armor!” he said “they’re gone” the words were loud, the emotion behind them thick hearing footsteps behind him, he didn’t even turn as li entered the room and raced over
“who would do such a thing” li asked as she, too, took in the empty cabi and then her husband’s pale face and shaking hands
awoken by the motion, xiu appeared in the doorway she rubbed her eyes, still half asleep she barely registered the empty cabi instead, she noticed something—or rather someone—else that was missing “where is mulan” she asked
mulan
zhou took another ragged breath what did xiu mean mulan was in her bed, where she was supposed to be but a look at xiu told him he was wrong a thought, one that he desperately didn’t want to be thinking, began to take shape his own words yelled in frustration and anger echoed back to him learn your place, he had said he had seen the hurt on mulan’s face, but in the moment, he had been too absorbed in his own pain to care but now
turning from the cabi, he searched the small living area watching him, li raised an eyebrow “my conscription scroll,” he said, answering her unasked question he had to find it if he couldn’t, it could only mean one thing he brushed aside the plates and empty bowls, looking for the paper that he had left there hours earlier
but it was gone in its place was mulan’s lotus b
zhou raised his eyes, his gaze meeting li’s the terror he felt was mirrored on his wife’s face they understood what the missing armor and conscription scroll meant
“you must stop her,” li said, holding a trembling hand to her heart “the northern invaders will kill her!”
zhou bowed his head mulan had never wielded a sword in anything but play, and even then it had been a stick, not a real weapon she would fall in the first fight but if he went after her and exposed her lie, her fate would be the same her own people, the other soldiers and the leaders of the army, would never let her live if they found out she had betrayed them he could not stop her leaving his wife and daughter weeping, zhou exited the house and made his way to the phoenix shrine he didn’t hear the thunder or see the lightning his head was too full of grief he had done this he had pushed mulan away and sent her to her death
entering the small shrine, he kneeled in front of two large tablets the spirit tablets were said to hold the wisdom and spirits of all the ancestors who had e before they were supposed to hear and answer prayers he had to hope that they heard his now “ancestors,” he whispered “i i ask for your help my daughter has made a terrible mistake please protect her”
his prayer done, he let the tears fall behind him the storm arrived and somewhere out there—alone—was his daughter
mulan,
he thought,
i’m so sorry please e back
with his head lowered, zhou did not see a small, ugly, and misshapen bird emerge from behind the phoenix statue one wing hung low and its head was bent at an odd angle the bird eyed zhou for a moment and then hopped down from the statue and made its way out of the shrine it shivered as the first rain touched its feathers, and then, with a resigned sigh, it scurried—one good wing flapping while the other dragged—out of the tulou
